


Ignis Fatuus

by Clytemnestrasrevenge



Category: VIXX
Genre: Based on Odd Sense, Dihwanysus, Gods don't need lube, It's Magic, It's not drugs, M/M, Non-traditional addiction, Obsession, Pining, Shameless Smut, VP Collab, Wonshik is a plot device, playing fast and loose with Greek mythology, well some of it's drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 09:30:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20758172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clytemnestrasrevenge/pseuds/Clytemnestrasrevenge
Summary: Jaehwan is Sanghyuk's walking, talking, addiction.(Part of the VIXX Parallel Collab Project)





	Ignis Fatuus

**Author's Note:**

> Story based on the lyrics of Odd Sense!
> 
> If you want to read more stories from this collaboration, you can find them [HERE](https://uwugalore.tumblr.com/post/187818190409/vixx-parallel-collaboration-masterlist)

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

Sanghyuk sat at the bar, legs too long for the stool he was perched on, swirling a glass of gin and juice. He didn’t know what kind of juice, hadn’t bothered to ask the bartender and didn’t actually care. Cranberry apple, if he had to guess. Whatever it was, it was the cheapest thing on the menu other than beer, and it would get him a good buzz, so that was all that really mattered. 

He was twenty five. ‘A lovely age’, his mother told him. ‘The age to play, explore. Make mistakes and learn, to get the most from life before true adulthood dragged him down from the clouds of his youth.’ And that was all fine and great, if Sanghyuk didn’t _detest_ the prospect of leaving his bedroom. If his skin didn’t crawl at the mere _ suggestion _ of interacting with other people. If the concept of actually making a _ mistake _ didn’t send Sanghyuk spiraling down into a panic attack. 

And yet, here he was, dragged to a fancy club and then forsaken by his only friend on this awful hell-planet. 

Sanghyuk lifted his eyes from his clinking ice cubes, scanning the nameless faces of the people flitting around him. Or, he guessed they were clinking. He couldn’t actually hear them clinking over the awful music blaring through the speakers. Sanghyuk didn’t like this kind of music. Loud, fast, lyrics with very little substance and overly liberal use of air horns. It was unpleasant to listen to, in his humble opinion. 

He didn’t like being trapped in a space with this many strangers either. The heat from all the unknown bodies pressing in around him, clawing at him with phantom fingers. Sanghyuk tugged at the collar of his button-up, crisp white cotton, and the only item of clothing he had that even got close to being described as _ fancy. _It felt like he had a noose around his neck. 

Sanghyuk popped the top button open and knocked back his bland drink, signalling the bartender for a fresh one and dropping his glass on the counter. It was black granite with flakes of what looked like silver mica sprinkled throughout. Vulgar. Just like everything else in this horrible place. 

“Here on business?”

Looking up at the unfamiliar voice in his ear, Sanghyuk trained his eyes on the wall of bottles in front of him. It felt as though one of the lumps of ice from his glass had lodged in his throat. The voice was sultry, tantalizing even, like a fine red wine being poured over a ribbon of melted chocolate. 

Words. Sanghyuk was good at words. Words helped ground him, finding the perfect word. Putting chaos around him in order. Labeling it. Categorizing it. He forced his mind to focus, running through the question and voice again in an attempt to steady his nerves. _ Mellifluous. _A _mellifluous _voice. That was it. He could answer now.

“Pleasure,” Sanghyuk replied evenly, keeping his gaze fixed on the bottle of Grey Goose directly in front of him. 

He tried taking a deep breath, inhaling oxygen through his nose, and nearly choked. Not because the perfume he breathed in was unpleasant, quite the opposite. It smelled like the wearer had managed to bottle euphoria. Sanghyuk exhaled and then slowly filled his lungs again, searching for recognizable notes. Vanilla... Sandalwood... rose and jasmine were both there but something else floral... Sanghyuk couldn’t pinpoint it. He’d never smelled the like before. 

“And have you found it?” the heavenly voice asked, a whisper, barely a breath beside his ear. The world was too loud, how was this stranger managing to make himself heard? Because it was definitely a man’s voice, smokey and sweet. And what in satan's holy name was that perfume? Sanghyuk’s mouth was feeling distinctly dry. Where had the bartender gone?

“Found what?” he replied dumbly, brain befuddled by the onslaught of strange stimuli. 

“Pleasure.”

A hand came to rest on his shoulder blade and Sanghyuk instantly went ridgid. Muscles tense. Body coiled like spring. The hands owner retracted the appendage they had just unwittingly come close to losing, which was, in Sanghyuk’s opinion, a fucking _ smart _ move. 

“No, and my hopes of finding any here aren’t high. If you’ll excuse me,” Sanghyuk said in a flat, dead voice, spinning his barstool around and intending to stand. He never got the chance to stand, though, because the sight of the stranger hit him like a punch to the gut. 

The entire world fell away as Sanghyuk drank this vision in. The stranger was indeed a man, lamplit black eyes glowing in the dimness. Midnights beauty, plush lips the color of freshest blood, a lock of inky hair curling down over a high forehead. 

“Leaving already, baby? Sure you don’t want to look a little harder?”

Sanghyuk swallowed thickly, blinking at the man like a dumbstruck fool. “What’s your name?” he asked, speaking as the man took a step forward. A step closer. To him. 

“Jaehwan. My name is Jaehwan. What’s yours, baby?”

“Sanghyuk,” replied Sanghyuk.

The man, Jaehwan, let out a husky laugh, a smile splashed across his mouth like poison. “It’s a _ pleasure _ to meet you, Sanghyuk,” he hummed, extending both hands this time and clasping them together on the nape of Sanghyuk’s neck. 

Sanghyuk flinched. 

“What’s the matter, baby?” Jaehwan asked, looking down at Sanghyuk, piercing him with that deep and lingering gaze. Looking _ down _at him because Sanghyuk was still perched precariously on the barstool, giving this stranger roughly three inches of height on him. If he stood, Sanghyuk thought, he could tower over Jaehwan. 

“When people touch me I want to burn their hands off, but that’s my issue,” he replied, letting out a sharp breath as Jaehwan’s hands moved again, rubbing his shoulders. Applying just enough pressure to force Sanghyuk’s muscles to relax. How drunk was he? Two drinks on someone his size was basically nothing, and yet Sanghyuk felt distinctly intoxicated. “Make an exception? Just this once? Just for me?”

Sanghyuk could do nothing but nod and the man's smile grew wider. Jaehwan watched him with what could only be described as an insectoid sort of curiosity, as if Sanghyuk was a rare specimen he would painstakingly dissect and pin to a board. 

“What is the perfume you’re wearing, and through what thaumaturgy and arcana did you come by it?” Sanghyuk asked, cocking his head and inspecting the stranger's face. Elfin features, those shiny lips. Shiny eyes. Jaehwan laughed again, Sanghyuk shifting his legs apart just enough so the smaller man could stand between them. 

“A lady never tells,” he replied cheekily, one hand moving to comb through Sanghyuk’s hair. “I like the way you speak, baby. An old soul trapped in a model’s body, hm?”

Sanghyuk felt himself flush, unwelcome heat creeping up his face.

“Let’s go upstairs, it’s private. Quieter. We can talk some more, how does that sound?”

It sounded like a_ fucking trap, _his paranoia whispered, trying to pierce the haze fogging over Sanghyuk’s brain like a needle popping a balloon. “What’s upstairs?”

“VIP.”

“And why would you want me to go up there with you?”

“I just told you that I like you, baby, weren't you listening?”

“You told me you like the way I speak. That’s not the same thing.”

Jaehwan chuckled, low and throaty, as he tugged on Sanghyuk’s hair. Tilting Sanghyuk’s head back as a result. Tilting Sanghyuk’s face _ up. _ “I like you, and I want to get to know you better. Is that an explicit enough explanation?” Jaehwan purred, that glossy red mouth barely an inch from Sanghyuk’s own. 

“Yes,” Sanghyuk breathed, staring at the smooth bow of Jaewhan’s upper lip, transfixed. What would it feel like if Jaehwan kissed him? What would Jaehwan’s heady scent taste like?

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

“Hyuk-ah! Hey! Sanghyuk!” Hongbin shouted, straining to be heard over the house music blasting from all sides. He was thankful, for once, that his best friend was so tall. It made him easy to spot in a crowd. “Where are you going!” 

Hongbin pushed through the people packed on the dance floor like sardines in a can, managing to snag Sanghyuk's arm as his friend stumbled past. “Upstairs,” his friend shouted back, normally alert eyes strangely glazed. 

“What upstairs?! Why?!”

“Jaehwan said that- I made a friend, be proud of me!”

Hongbin looked around them. Nobody was paying the shouting boys any attention, there wasn’t anyone at Sanghyuk’s side. “What friend?!”

Sanghyuk looked to his left and grinned, but when Hongbin followed the direction-

“Hyuk-ah, nobody’s there!”

His friend turned back to face him, holding out a hand and pointing at nothing. “He’s right there, but he’s short! You probably can’t see him! We’re going upstairs, don’t wait around! I’ll text you tomorrow!”

_ “What _upstairs?!” Hongbin repeated, tightening his grip on his friend's arm when Sanghyuk tried to walk away.

“VIP!”

“This club doesn’t have VIP! The building is only one story!” the elder shouted, but Sanghyuk didn’t seem to be registering his words _ at all. _ He was just standing there, body slack and smiling like an idiot. 

“Dude, are you high?!”

“Sure fucking feels like it!” Sanghyuk replied good-naturedly, patting Hongbin’s shoulder and neatly extricating himself from the elder's hold. “Did you take something?! Did you watch your drink the way I told you to?! Hey, come back!” Hongbin called, but his friend was already moving away.

Hongbin tried to follow, pushing through the mass of writhing bodies, but Sanghyuk had disappeared. _Shit. _

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

Sanghyuk's legs felt heavy as he walked up the stairs after Jaehwan, the strange man holding his hand. _ Pulling _ him almost, shooting saccharine smiles at Sanghyuk over his shoulder as they ascended. 

This staircase was nothing like the rest of the club, not tacky and plasticy and shining with fake glitz. It was sleek. Deep blue marble webbed with creme colored cracks. Banister of dark mahogany and wrought iron. It felt distinctly luxurious to Sanghyuk. The way the entrance to a VIP section should be. 

They reached the landing and a set of black double doors, Jaehwans perfume wafting up into Sanghyuk’s nose as the smaller man unhooked a crimson ribbon roping off the entrance. 

“Welcome to Olympus,” he hummed, winking and turning the knob. 

Sanghyuk blinked, feeling almost starstruck as Jaehwan pulled him through the open door. They entered a place that looked more like a lounge than a club. The room was long but narrow, ceilings high, blue ambient lighting diffused in patches giving the appearance of being under water. 

Jaehwan lead him toward a bar that was worlds different from the one they had been sitting at downstairs, exposed concrete counter and brushed steel stools. Sanghyuk trailed after the smaller man in a daze. There were people everywhere, beautiful people, the chatter and laughter like the buzz of electric bulbs. Some scantily clad and some in formal evening wear. They moved around Sanghyuk like a dream. That strange scent had gotten stronger. 

“Two of my usuals,” Jaehwan said, addressing a dark haired man behind the counter. He didn’t sit so Sanghyuk didn’t either, standing a shade closer to the smaller man than was strictly necessary. The perfume-

“Coming right up, are you going to introduce me?” 

The man flashed a pearly white smile, Jaehwan waving a hand and practically backing Sanghyuk up against the bar. “Wonshik, Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk, Wonshik,” he replied, watching as Sanghyuk leaned back to rest his elbows on the counter.

“Nice to meet you, Sanghyuk,” Wonshik said, giving them a salute before vanishing into what Sanghyuk guessed was a back room. 

“So, you come here often? I mean you must if you have a usual,” Sanghyuk asked, inwardly cringing at his cliche choice of words. He didn’t _ date, _ let alone pick up strangers in clubs, so he was entirely out of his depth in the conversation department. That wasn’t exclusively a dating problem, though. Sanghyuk didn’t talk to anyone that wasn’t Hongbin or his mom. 

“Oh, I practically _ live _ here,” Jaehwan replied, apparently unphased by Sanghyuk’s amateurish attempt at dialogue. He folded his arms across Sanghyuk’s chest, leaning against the entire length of the taller man’s body. 

Sanghyuk couldn’t think of a single thing to say, the destressing amount of physical contact taking up all of his attention, but Jaehwan didn’t seem to mind the silence either. A faint smirk curled the edges of his mouth as the emptiness between them stretched on. Suffocating and charged. 

“I’m sorry, I’m already fucking this up because I don’t know how to be a human being,” Sanghyuk sighed, once the quiet became too much to bear. The smile Jaehwan gave him in return was luminous, a delicious curve to that candy-apple mouth. “You’ve done nothing wrong, baby. We can get to know each other just fine without speaking if that’s what you’d prefer.” 

Sanghyuk didn’t reply, losing himself in that gaze, like flashing pools of dark water. 

“Here you go,” a deep voice said from behind him, shattering the stillness. A jolt to Sanghyuk’s senses, Jaehwan pulling away from him, cold rushing in to take the place of his small, warm body.

“Thanks Shik-ah,” he said with a wink, placing a drink in Sanghyuk’s palm and a hand on Sanghyuk’s waist. The spots where his long fingers rested burned through Sanghyuk’s shirt. 

They moved to sit on a long couch, black leather sliding against the taller man’s jeans as he crossed his legs. He stared at the drink in his hand, cold metal tumbler billowing with indigo steam. It had that same smell, the unidentifiable fragrance in Jaehwans perfume. “What is this?” he asked, turning to watch the smaller man settle at his side. 

“My usual.”

“That’s not an acceptable answer,” Sanghyuk replied, eyeing the blue mist tumbling down around his hand. Jaehwan hummed, lifting the cup to Sanghyuk’s mouth and tipping it up. “It’s heaven.”

The taste was an explosion on Sanghyuk’s tongue. Instant intoxication. Lines blurring between the real and the imaginary. Watercolors spreading across his vision, flowers blooming on his pallet, the sensation of falling down into the deep, dark abyss. It flared bright like that, overwhelming the entirety of his consciousness for three... four... five heartbeats, until the hallucinogen faded from his system. Burned away like alcohol over an open flame. 

“Holy fucking shit,” he breathed, panting slightly and turning back to his companion. Jaehwan was drinking deeply from his own cup, throat bobbing as he swallowed and pupils dilating as the insidious chemical hit his bloodstream. “What the _ hell _ is this?!”

“I told you, it’s heaven,” Jaehwan replied, dropping his half-empty cup on the low table before them and leaning back into the cushions, throat bared and eyes closed. Sanghyuk waited for a more rational description and his companion sighed. “Ambrosia. Mild and fast acting psychedelic. But it _ barely _ lasts,” he added forlornly. 

“There was nothing _ mild _about that.”

“Hmm, well... did you enjoy it?”

“That’s a bit beside the point, isn’t it?”

Jaehwan grinned, head lolling as his eyes fluttered open. Sanghyuk could only stare back, after-bursts of color occasionally flashing in his periphery. 

“So, baby, tell me about yourself. What’s your deal?” the smaller murmured, swinging his legs up over Sanghyuk’s lap and tucking himself against Sanghyuk’s side. For his part, Sanghyuk didn’t flinch or pull away, which he took to be a step in the right direction. 

“Uh... I don’t know. I don’t really do this sort of thing very often. Clubs or bars, I mean.”

Jaehwan chuckled softly. “I can tell,” he replied, a tease obvious in his tone, but Sanghyuk still felt himself blush. Being called out on his insecurities was never amusing, especially when he was already so far out of his comfort zone. This was why he didn’t talk to other humans, Sanghyuk always barked himself up these kinds of trees. Put himself in situations that were too much for him to handle. 

“That wasn’t meant as an insult, baby, just an observation,” his companion added, no doubt picking up on Sanghyuk’s discomfort. Sanghyuk, very abruptly, decided that he didn’t want to be there anymore. He’d explored the possibility of having friends enough for several months and been _ touched _ enough to last a year at least. The room around him and man beside him were starting to lose their allure. The party was over. 

“Where are you going?” Jaehwan asked, latching his arms around Sanghyuk’s neck when the taller tried to stand. “Home, but thanks for the weird drink.”

The shorter man clicked his tongue, palming Sanghyuk’s cheek and not making a move to let him get up. The hand on his face had the effect of both startling the taller man into stillness and shortening the distance from his nose to Jaehwan’s wrist. And unfortunately, that only made the extraordinary perfume take up residence in the forefront of Sanghyuk’s mind again. 

“Leaving so soon? We were just about to get started.”

“Start what? An acid trip?”

Jaehwan smiled, a gleam in his dark eyes as his lashes fluttered. Sanghyuk’s tongue felt too thick for his mouth. 

“I like you. I want you.”

An _ implication _ in every syllable, spoken in that voice of blood and honey. Sanghyuk’s heart plummeted through the floor. 

Jaehwan leaned in, eyes flicking to the taller man’s mouth and then back up, stopping just short of his target. Hovering there, an inch away, so close and yet- what was he waiting for? Sanghyuk’s pulse beat an erratic rhythm against his ribs, lips dry, body frozen. Perfectly still. The aroma of sandalwood and rose warring for dominance of his limbic system. Jaehwan wasn’t going to do it. He wasn’t going to move any closer. Sanghyuk could see it, the ball was in his court now. 

Did he _ dare? _Was he brave enough to taste the ambrosia on his companions lips? To learn exactly what those lips would feel like against his own. He did. He _ dared. _

Sanghyuk surged forward, capturing Jaehwan’s mouth with his own. His senses lit up like a christmas tree, hands finding Jaehwan’s waist, the taste of ecstasy dancing dark across his tongue. 

_ “Shit,” _ he breathed, longing rushing up on him out of nowhere in the span of a blink. It had been a very long time since Sanghyuk had kissed someone, way back before the anxiety and paranoia had driven him behind the walls, the barriers, locked him in the closed spaces that would keep the monsters at bay. His solitude kept him safe, if nothing else, and he hadn’t wanted someone, _ anyone, _ in all that time. He hadn’t wanted anyone quite like _ this. _

Sanghyuk pushed Jaehwan back, pressing the smaller man down flat into the couch cushions. Trapping Jaehwan against him and chasing that sweet crimson smile. Slotting his thigh between the smaller man’s legs. 

“You... are absolutely... delicious,” Jaehwan sighed, fingers tripping down Sanghyuk’s torso and settling on his hips. Sanghyuk rocked a little, urging himself closer, urging his _ body _ closer, feeling the warmth that was Jaehwan all the way down his front. He forgot that they were in public, forgot this man was a complete stranger, forgot about the bartender and the strange blue cocktails, entirely consumed with _want. _

“Sang... hyuk.”

Sanghyuk ignored the way his companion said his name, broken up, tender. He kissed Jaehwan hard, licking into his mouth, tracing the edges of his teeth with his tongue. 

“Baby... listen to me.”

With a hiss of annoyance, Sanghyuk broke away. He made to sit up but Jaehwan’s hands on his hips held him still, a smirk crossing that pretty face. 

“I want to wreck you. I want to ride you and watch you unravel, come undone as you come inside me. I want you messy, moaning my name as you fuck me and begging me for every bit of me you can get. I want you needy. I want you to lose control. To let go. Can you do that for me, baby?” 

Sanghyuk squinted down at Jaehwan with narrowed eyes, breathing through his nose. He waited a few beats longer than necessary, keeping his own voice low. “That’s not really how I operate.”

The reply must have come as a surprise because Jaehwan blinked up at him, searching his eyes for something Sanghyuk couldn’t fathom. “You want me to beg for you instead?”

Sanghyuk paused. “We can beg for each other.”

Searching and searching and searching, the softest of silences stretching between them until Jaehwan smiled. A smile that was as warm as a glass of whiskey. The smaller man kissed him again, open mouthed and hot, fingers digging into the flesh of Sanghyuk’s hips. 

“Not here,” Jaehwan said, nipping at Sanghyuk’s bottom lip and trying to squirm away.

“What _ is _ it with you and set changes?”

Jaehwan chuckled, humming wordlessly as Sanghyuk shifted lower, mouthing at the underside of his jaw. 

“Wouldn’t you prefer a bed?”

“Honestly,” Sanghyuk murmured, one hand untucking his companion's shirt and caressing his silk-smooth skin beneath, “I’ll bend you over whatever piece of furniture is most convenient. Not too fussed about what it’s shaped like. ”

_ “Oh, _ I chose _ well _ when I chose you,” Jaehwan replied, dragging Sanghyuk back up by the hair and sealing their mouths together for a moment of brightest bliss. “Bedroom.”

Sanghyuk relented, not wanting to waste the energy it would take to argue when keeping his mouth shut would mean getting Jaehwan’s clothes off faster. He allowed the smaller man to push him away, allowed Jaehwan to slyther from his grip and sit upright. Jaehwan kept a hand on Sanghyuk's thigh as he grabbed his half-empty glass from the table and knocked it back. Sanghyuk did the same with his own, a swaying ocean of red blooms bursting behind his eyelids, breath pulled from his lungs like a song of sweet thunder. 

The silver cup clattered against the table as it slipped from his hand, fingers gone slack under the force of the hallucination. Indigo smoke poured from its mouth and spilled onto the tabletop, rolling over the edge, tumbling lazily onto the floor. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Jaehwan’s velvety voice said, husky from need, and Sanghyuk turned to look at him. Took in the vision of his companion, ringed in ruby, a wreath of ivy atop his dark hair and maroon velvet draped over his small body like a tunic. Jaehwan positively glowed, skin luminous and eyes alight with divine fire, flecks of diamond woven through his pitchblack locks.

Sanghyuk blinked hard, waiting for Jaehwan to turn back into nothing more than a pretty boy in high waisted jeans and a tight burgundy turtleneck before trusting himself to speak. “You- that shit is powerful,” he breathed, pushing the hallucinations to the back of his mind for later examination and letting Jaehwan pull him to his feet. 

“This way,” his companion murmured, leading him away from the couch, passed the bar, and into a hallway tinged with violet light. Sanghyuk followed blindly, hands flat on his companions waist and eyes on the back of his head. He didn’t bother to look around, didn’t bother to inspect the artwork lining the walls. First baroque, transitioning into pre raphaelite and then rococo the further they walked. 

The ambient lighting shifted as well, melting from the lounges blue into amethyst, then magenta. “Here,” Jaehwan sighed, digging around in the pocket of his jeans as the taller man leaned down to kiss his neck. He moaned softly and finally found what he was looking for, a small silver key, slotting it into the lock on the door before them. 

Jaehwan pulled him over the threshold and tried to put a bit of space between them, the click of the bedroom door closing like a signature on Sanghyuk’s death certificate. With feline grace, his companion prowled forwards, prowled toward him, assessing the length and breadth of his body with a single _ sweeping _ glance. 

“Come and get it, baby,” Jaehwan said, stopping just short and planting his feet firmly in the plush carpet. The light in this room was red. Like the inside of a photography darkroom. Bathing the two men in smouldering sanguine radiance. 

Sanghyuk reached out with shaking fingers, eyes locked with that knife-bright stare as he pulled Jaehwan to him. He didn’t dare speak, didn’t want to break this- this _ spell _ he was under. Palm rasping against the skin of his cheeks where Jaehwan’s hands came to rest. Sanghyuk inhaled the smell of the smaller boy’s fresh sweat. Tasted the sweet psychedelic on his lips. 

He felt touch starved, running his hands down Jaehwan’s sides and shoving him back against the bedroom wall. Jaehwan’s purr was a miniature earthquake and he switched their positions, spinning the bigger man around and kissing him softly on the mouth. Incongruously soft, sending Sanghyuk’s mind into turmoil. 

The gentle way Jaehwan’s mouth moved against his, the tenderness, was unexpected. Hookups werent supposed to be soft or easy they were meant to be hard and fast, fucking all of ones loneliness away and storing it safely in the body of another. But Jaehwan kissed him like a _ lover, _ not a stranger, and Sanghyuk could have cried from it. 

Jaehwan’s hands rose slowly, tracing the lines of Sanghyuk's body along the way. Pausing every now and then to savor this spot or that. He was still kissing the taller man with that easy familiarity when his fingers wrapped around Sanghyuk’s throat. Applying just enough pressure to get his attention and sending goosebumps _ shivering _ up Sanghyuk’s spine. 

“You’re so good, sugar. I can feel how much you _ want _ and you’re _ so _ good,” Jaehwan said, releasing a contented sigh and allowing the breath to return to the taller man. Sanghyuk gasped, the cloying warm smell of his companion's perfume floating down his throat, pooling in the depths of his lungs, open wide. That unknown flower unfurling within him, spreading long coils inside his veins. Taking root in his heart.

A weak curse tore its way out of his mouth. _ “Fuck... _ Jaehwan fuck, I _ need _ you.”

With frantic hands, Sanghyuk pushed Jaehwan down. Forcing him to his knees. The blood pounded in his ears as his companion knelt on the carpet, unbuckling Sanghyuk’s belt, unbuttoning his jeans, unzipping his fly with pale _ clever _ fingers. 

Jaehwan’s mouth left a burning trail up his inner thighs, palming him through the fabric of his briefs for an intoxicating moment before tugging them down. Freeing his hardened length and taking Sanghyuk in his mouth. 

No words came to Sanghyuk’s head. No eloquent way to label the sensation. No way to categorize it. Sanghyuk was left _ utterly _ speechless. He clutched a handful of Jaehwan’s black hair, knuckles white and fingers trembling.

His companion throated him, smooth, groaning around the length in his mouth. He pumped his fist at the base, rolled his tongue around the tip. Stroked him hard. A dribble of spit trailed from the corner of his mouth. Those lips a thin, translucent red. Jaehwan looked up at him through watery eyes, dark eyes, eyes full of sweet innocence that mislead. 

Sanghyuk shuddered, spine snapping taught. Drinking in great heaving lungfuls of floral essence through clenched teeth. The scent inside him burning like a subtle poison. He was unable to tear his eyes from this _ picture, _ this piece of _ artwork _ on his knees, as Jaehwan pulled off him with a pop that was positively _ pornographic. _

He dragged Jaehwan back up, cupping his face and tasting himself on the smaller boy's tongue. Jaehwan kissed Sanghyuk’s lips, kissed his fingertips, and stepped away. Collapsing back onto a mattress the taller hadn’t bothered to notice until this masterpiece sat atop it. Jaehwan looked so small huddled there on the bed, turning his body. Holding out a hand. 

Sanghyuk took it, drawing his companion to his feet, tearing the clothing off his body piece by piece until Jaehwan was laid bare before him. Lithe muscle, delicate waist, milk-pale skin. Jaehwan unbuttoned Sanghyuk’s shirt, hasty as the taller man stepped out of his jeans. Kicking them off with impatience, he pushed Jaehwan away. Jaehwan fell limply down, sprawled on his back. Long legs falling open, spread wide and inviting. 

Their bodies met in a shower of sparks. Jaehwan’s ankles hooking around Sanghyuk’s middle. Sanghyuk running his mouth over Jaehwan’s chest, laying a series of kisses like ice and fire on his skin and pushing into his heat. 

A groan swelled at the bottom of Sanghyuk's lungs at the sound of his companion's whine. He rolled his hips slowly at first, steady. Rocking deeper and deeper into Jaehwan as his carnal urges shouted with _ dark _ delight. “Jesus... you’re so fucking tight,” he hissed, teeth on Jaehwans throat, muscles clenched. Veins taught in his neck. 

The beautiful body beneath him was a benevolent blessing from an unknown god which Sanghyuk knew he did not deserve. He wouldn’t misuse this gift, wouldn’t leave Jaehwan wanting for anything, any pleasure, any touch. Sanghyuk would provide. He wanted to savor Jaehwan.

Jaehwan's blunt nails clawed at his back, nodding stiffly, answering a silent question that Sanghyuk couldn’t hear. Breath stuttering from his heaving chest in broken whimpers. 

Sanghyuk looked down at his companions porcelain face, pushing into him hard and pulling back out at half the speed. He saw himself reflected in those sparkling black eyes, stretching into endless darkness. Promising secrets. Those glistening red lips forming four words that took a solid minute to penetrate the fog in Sanghyuks skull. _ Let it all go. _

The shape of his mind was alien. Shrouded in mist and suffocating under the flowery vines curling inside his head. Pulse pounding behind his eyes, Sanghyuk pulled out and flipped the smaller man onto his stomach. Jaehwan groaned, the sound cutting out from somewhere deep inside as Sanghyuk thrust into him faster. 

They moved against each other like adversaries on a battlefield, thrust and parry, strike and slash, push and pull. A seamless, almost violent dance. Blood pumping. Hearts racing. Skin burning. 

Sanghyuk could have sworn he was going blind. Jaehwan's back was curved in a sinful arch, pressing hard against the bigger man’s chest. A slender hand curled up around the nape of Sanghyuk's neck. The sweet undulation of his sweet little body matched Sanghyuk's rhythm to a tee. 

“Oh _ shit _ baby... Sanghyuk right there right- _ fuck,” _ Jaehwan moaned, the taller rolling his hips and hitting that spot of most affable pleasure deep in Jaehwan's core. 

“Right there?” the taller boy asked, breathless, nipping at the shell of his companion's pointy ear. Jaehwan nodded. Frantic. Crying out as Sanghyuk abused his point of sensitivity. Hitting that spot again and again and again. 

Scorching heat clamped around him like a vice. His hands on that delicate waist, holding Jaehwan still and fucking him into the mattress with abandon, chasing his own oblivian now that his companion was spent. 

A long, thin, trembling cry. Whining with overstimulation, fingers yanking desperately at the taller man’s hair. “Come on Sanghyuk, come on baby fill me up come for me, come on,” he urged, voice cresting high. 

A final push, searing ecstasy followed by a sigh of relief, spilling himself and painting his companion's insides white. Sanghyuk gasped into the juncture of Jaehwan's shoulder and neck as those pinprick stars burst behind his eyelids. Vision flaring sunshine bright. Ears ringing with the sound of a bow being drawn across the strings of a violin. 

Jaehwan soothed Sanghyuk as he came down, reassuring him, telling him how good he was. Petting his cheek and murmuring soft words of praise until Sanghyuk pulled out, flopping lifeless on his back and dragging his companion into a tight hug. 

“You’re fantastic, baby. Simply fantastic,” Jaehwan said, voice beautiful inside his chest where Sanghyuk was pressing his ear. 

Sanghyuk felt touch-drunk, as if his years with the bare minimum of physical contact had flipped around on him. His skin tingled pleasantly there, holding this boy in the sweat stained dark. Filling him with a sense of warm contentment he hadn’t experienced in ages. 

A delicate finger was pressed to his brow and Sanghyuk looked up, noting the way Jaehwan’s expression softened as he brushed a stray strand of hair from Sanghyuk’s eyes. The taller man caught Jaehwan’s wrist, running a thumb across his knuckles. Jaehwan sighed Sanghyuk’s name. 

“I want you permanently.” 

The proclamation left Sanghyuk’s mouth, unexpected by both the speaker and the listener. Jaehwan blinked down at him, dark eyes wide with surprise, and Sanghyuk realized it was true. The idea of other people touching him may disgust him, but not _ this _ boy. He felt safe there, holding Jaehwan’s warm body like it was a goose down pillow. And Sanghyuk didn’t feel truly _ safe _ anywhere. It was such a weight off his shoulders, being able to breathe in the odd scent of flowers instead of noxious fear.

“I’m not kidding. I want to date you,” the taller added, propping himself on one elbow and tracing Jaehwan's sternum with the tip of his finger. Drawing patterns into his soft tummy. His pale skin was still flushed and blotchy, come slowly drying there but Sanghyuk couldn’t care less. 

Jaehwan slid down the bed like melting candle wax until his head was pillowed on Sanghyuk's forearm. “Pardon?” he asked, body pliant enough that Sanghyuk could slip a hand between his lower back and the mattress.

“I want to date you. I want to take you home with me,” Sanghyuk replied, voice a touch more confident now. The rooms red light cast a strange shade over them, painting the bedspread black. 

“Those are two very different things.”

Sanghyuk blinked, wiggling his companion a little to try and dislodge the bewildered expression from his pretty face. “Come home with me, I’ll make you dinner. Or... breakfast, depending on what time it is.”

Jaehwan didn’t seem to be comprehending his words at all. Sanghyuk could almost see them bouncing off his head. Not being absorbed. “You’ll what?”

“Make you... breakfast? You know- breakfast? The first meal of the day? Eggs and bacon and pancakes?” Sanghyuk said, a bit less sure of himself. He lay a series of kisses across Jaehwan’s brow nonetheless. That perfume of his hadn’t worn off at all, sending a pleasant haze swirling through the taller man’s brain. 

His companion's silence stretched out, stretched _ on, _Sanghyuk feeling more ill at ease with each moment that Jaehwan’s mouth stayed closed. 

“Baby- baby I don’t...”

Jaehwan snapped his mouth shut again, expression pensive, and it finally hit Sanghyuk just how absurdly he was behaving. This had been a hookup. Just a hookup. No strings attached, emotionless sex. That was the reality of it, clarity settling over Sanghyuk in a single heartbreaking breath. It didn’t matter that Jaehwan had been tender, been loving. They were strangers. And yet... and _ yet. _

“I’m sorry, I just- you make me feel comfortable which is... a rare thing.” Sanghyuk heard Jaehwan sigh, felt himself flush with embarrassment but he could not bring himself to care just then. He wanted this miraculous boy for reasons that were beyond his comprehension. The way he smelled, the way he tasted, the air of easy bliss that seemed to ooze from his very core. He needed this boy at his side, needed that sunshine smile to keep the monsters away. 

At least Jaehwan wasn’t laughing at him. Small mercies. 

“Sanghyuk, baby if you knew who I was then you would understand that I do not- I don’t _ date.” _

Jaehwan's voice was almost tender but Sanghyuk shrank away, releasing his companion and curling in on himself. 

“No, no baby don’t be upset, _ please,” _ Jaehwan squeaked, sitting up, crawling after him and folding Sanghyuk in his skinny arms. Sanghyuk felt utterly alone, wrapped in the warmth of his embrace. Because this would not last. Could not last. The fingers wound in his hair would vanish. 

“Here, have some of this, it will make you feel better,” Jaehwan said, leaning over and flopping across Sanghyuk’s lap to reach the bedside table. Sanghyuk looked around, watching his companion's slim fingers wrap around two metal glasses of billowing indigo. He had no clue where they came from. Maybe they had been there the entire time, tiny twin pillars standing vigil as Sanghyuk opened himself up and received a knife to the chest for his trouble. 

Sanghyuk took a glass almost absently, fixating on the way the sineu of his lover’s bicep twisted beneath his skin. Jaehwan settled back down, planted firmly on Sanghyuk's thighs and legs loosely around Sanghyuk's hips. The taller man just stared, inhaling vertigo as his companion raised his own glass. Cool metal pressing a dent into his bow shaped lip. 

His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, lashes fluttering in a way that could only be described as lovely. A shudder ran through his small body, fingers splaying wide across Sanghyuk’s stomach. Had the perfume gotten stronger? How odd.

Sanghyuk took a long swig of his drink, closing his eyes as he began to fall into delirium. The sound of his lover's voice morphed to singing crystal. “Feeling better now, baby?”

Metallic effervescence sparkled on his tongue as he blinked his eyes open and watched Jaehwan. Hallucination placing a crown of ivy on his head but not swathed in velvet this time. Delicate vines tattooed around his upper arms and over his shoulders. Were they moving? 

Jaehwan tilted Sanghyuk’s face up to meet his, the tips of his fingers brushing feather-light under the taller man’s chin. Their lips connected, heat pooling in Sanghyuk’s stomach as Jaehwan’s arms wrapped tight around his neck. He hugged the smaller against him, chest's so flush he could feel the ragged beat of Jaehwan’s heart. 

“Ecstasy is my domain, I have no dealings with sadness, baby.”

“Then I’m afraid you have no dealings with me.”

His companion barked out a laugh, holding the cup to Sanghyuk’s mouth and tipping more ambrosia down his oh so _ willing _ throat. “You just need to learn to let go, not overthink so much. Doing that is bad for your soul,” Jaehwan hummed, pushing the taller easily back against a mountain of pillows and dropping his empty cup on the floor. 

“Here, I'll show you.”

Jaehwan sat up on his knees, swaying like a snake, not seeming to notice that the world around him was shattering like palaces of broken glass. Sanghyuk’s cup was still clutched in his fist but he barely felt it, blood from his head rushing rapidly southward. When had he gotten hard again? Maybe the drink was an aphrodisiac as well as a hallucinogen. That’d be nuts.

Sanghyuk’s capacity for coherent thought was slipping through his fingers like sand in an hourglass. He watched Jaehwan lower down onto his length, a rush of blue-black vapor pouring from his open mouth when he moaned. The room flared sepia as Jaehwan began to ride him, possessive hands skittering across Sanghyuk’s chest, hips rocking like a ship in rough seas. 

Never once questioning the strangeness of it, his new found joy bubbling bright, Sanghyuk let his cup be put to his lips, inhaling the odd bouquet and slipping further into phantasmagoria with each sip he took. He stared at his lover in awe, now empty hands squeezing Jaehwan’s thighs. 

“See, it’s not so hard, is it?”

“I beg to differ.”

Jaehwan laughed softly, raising Sanghyuk’s hands to his waist, letting Sanghyuk guide his movements. Letting Sanghyuk take charge. Jaehwan was resplendent in his ivy and vines, beautiful, the type of beautiful that would bring kingdoms to their knees, and the fact that he was giving someone like Sanghyuk the time of day was miracle enough, let alone-

“Come home with me, Jaehwan, please? Let me keep you.”

His companion's lips parted to speak, but Sanghyuk knew he wouldn’t tell him the one thing he wanted to hear. Needed to hear. So he didn’t give Jaehwan the opportunity, gripping his waist tight and thrusting up into him with all the force he could muster. Jaehwan yelped, accidentally splashing a bit of ambrosia onto the taller man’s stomach before pouring the remainder into Sanghyuk’s mouth. 

Sanghyuk didn’t get a chance to swallow it, Jaehwan’s hand closing around his throat before he could do so. His companion leaned down, still rolling his hips in smooth circles, parting Sanghyuk’s lips with a thumb and licking the sweet elixir from his open mouth. Some of it dribbled down Sanghyuk’s chin but his lover lapped it up hungrily, bottom lip caught between his teeth when he pulled away. 

“Please?” Sanghyuk gasped, desperate, swallowing and dropping his head back on the pillows. His body was on fire, vision swimming, nerve endings sparking. Lungs filled with sandalwood and rose and jasmine and vanilla and something _ else _ entirely. 

Jaehwan palmed his cheek, tapping the hollow between his collarbones and smiling with incandescent delight. His reply came, a reply of softest murder.

“I’ll think about it.”

Sanghyuk sat bolt upright, sweat sticking his t-shirt to his clammy skin and sheets knotted around his waist. He was in his own bed. In his apartment. It was morning. 

A primordial, agonizing chill swept over Sanghyuk then. Had he been dreaming?! No. No way had he been dreaming. He and Hongbin had gone to the club, Sanghyuk was sure of that because it had taken a solid week of begging from his best friend before Sanghyuk had finally broken down and agreed. Jaehwan had been real. He _ knew _ Jaehwan was real, he could still taste that blue fucking smoke in his mouth and feel Jaehwan's heat encasing his-

Sanghyuk glanced down, his boxers were damp and clingy-

That hadn't been a wet dream. It had _ not. _ No way in the seven circles of hell was a dream able to produce an experience _ that _ vivid. 

So if it hadn’t been a dream, then that must mean... what would that mean? How had he gotten here?! When had he changed his clothes?! Had Jaehwan brought him home?! But Jaehwan had been sitting on a lap and riding his dick like a fucking rollercoster not even ten seconds ago! 

Sanghyuk’s mind dissolved into turmoil, messy and disorganized. A single fact managed to penetrate his growing anxiety, though, and it was not a happy fact. Jaehwan had not come home with him. Jaehwan had left him alone. Jaehwan hadn’t even said goodbye.

Bitter tears welled in his eyes and he folded his arms about himself, swallowing bright mouthfuls of pain. His heart, so warm and full just moments ago was icing over with frost, desolate like the cold of harsh winter. He let himself cry for five minutes, counting each passing second before reaching blindly for the box of tissues he kept on his nightstand.

His fingers brushed something cold and Sanghyuk flinched away, turning his head to look. A jar was there that had certainly not been there the night before, a small pink flower sitting inside. And there was a note balanced atop the stopper. 

Sanghyuk hesitated, tears still streaming down his cheeks but he extended a shaking hand, grabbing the note like it might try and bite. He unfolded it and held it up to his face, reading the words written in a looping, crimson scrawl. 

_ ‘Take good care of my little gift, baby, it’s very precious. You’re in my thoughts, see you soon - XOXO’ _

Sanghyuk stared at it, not understanding. He reread the note three more times and set it on top of his covers like the paper was a grenade, liable to explode at any moment. Sitting up straight and wiping his runny nose on the back of his sleeve, Sanghyuk picked up the glass bottle. It fit in the palm of his hand, transparent as cut crystal, only large enough for the pink flower to nestle comfortably inside. A sneaking suspicion curdled in Sanghyuk’s stomach and he gingerly pulled out the stopper. 

It was the scent. That odd, spicy but somehow still floral scent that dominated his tiny companion's perfume. The smell rocked through his limbic system, triggering razor sharp flashes of memory, his body and Jaehwan’s body locked together in that dark red room. 

Sanghyuk dropped the bottle on his bed, roughly pushing the stopper back in place and trying to stand up. The effort was in vain however, he crashed to his knees on the cold hardwood floor as his universe dissolved before him. Nausea and vertigo spiral up from his core, the earth breaking apart beneath his feet.

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

“You look fucking busted.” 

Sanghyuk grunted, shutting the door once his friend was inside and double checking that his three locks were bolted tight. He’d managed to force himself into a shower and fresh clothes, but that was all he could do so far. The little bottle was back on his nightstand beside the note, two tiny elephants in the room. 

“When did you get home last night? And where did you disappear to? I tried to find you,” Hongbin asked, setting an enormous to-go cup of coffee on Sanghyuk’s kitchen counter and tossing the younger a small bag. Sanghyuk caught it one handed, accidentally squishing the pastry inside with the strength of his grip. 

“I don’t know. I didn’t actually leave the club I just woke up here,” he muttered, staring darkly at the raspberry jelly leaking out of the center of his doughnut.

“What?”

Sanghyuk winced, tugging his hood further over his eyes. “I don’t know. I was with this- this guy up in VIP and it was great, like really great and then I was just... here.”

Hongbin squinted at him, perfect face contorted in confusion. “How high were you? I told you last night, that club doesn’t have VIP.”

“Yes it does.”

“No! It _ doesn’t! _ I don’t know where you were but there's no VIP, no upstairs, and nobody was with you when I talked to you last night!” Hongbin exclaimed, watching Sanghyuk swipe his coffee from the counter and following the younger back into the living room. 

“Did you see them make this? Start to finish?”

Hongbin nodded, Sanghyuk’s paranoid antics were routine for him at this point. The younger dropped onto the sofa, sitting on the left-most edge and tucking his legs up under him. This was his spot. Back to a corner, able to see out all of the windows and almost his entire main living area. Sanghyuk could no more sit comfortably with his back to a window than he could walk on water. 

“Well,” he said, sipping his coffee and smacking his lips, “Maybe you’re just not cool enough to have been invited up there.”

“Look, I think it's great that you finally got your dick wet after five million years, like I’m super happy for you, but I think you’re still coming down from whatever you took because you’re not making much sense.” 

“Do I normally make sense?”

Hongbin cracked a small smile, coming to sit beside Sanghyuk and switching on the tv. “You’re making less sense than usual.”

“He left me a note,” Sanghyuk said quietly, eyes unfocused. The air smelled bland. Just weak coffee and his own sweat. It was like he was suffering from sensory deprivation. Maybe he could-

Sanghyuk stood abruptly, padding into his bedroom and picking up the little bottle. He pulled out the stopper and immediately felt better, muscles relaxing, thoughts slowing. Inhaling that strange perfume. It was like taking that first drag on the first cigarette of the day. Relief. And speaking of which...

“Do you see my lighter?” he called, swiping his jeans from the floor and digging around in the pockets. Where the shit had his pack gone? He scanned the floor around him but there was no sign of the small blue and white carton anywhe-

Shit. They must have fallen out when he undressed in that scarlet room._ Shit. _

“Actually, can I bum a cig?” 

Sanghyuk restoppered the little bottle and left it on his dresser, slinking back into the living room with the note in his kangaroo pocket. Hongbin glanced over and toss the younger his own pack, setting a black plastic lighter on the coffee table. He lit one up and passed it to his friend before lighting a second for himself. The nicotine calmed his high strung nerves a little but not enough. Not the way that odd perfume did. Not the way Jaehwan's hands did. 

“He was great,” Sanghyuk mumbled, running his thumb back and forth across the folded note. “He made me feel... okay.”

Hongbin didn’t ask him to elaborate, he understood. He always understood Sanghyuk. “Why didn’t you ask him out?”

“I did. He said no.” Sanghyuk paused. “I think.”

“You _ think?” _

The younger dragged deeply, lungs filling with stimulant laced smoke. “I asked him to come home with me but he said people like him don’t date, or something along those lines, and when I asked again he said he’d think about it. But then I just appeared in my bed alone. So... I’m taking that as a no.”

“Do you think he was like- a hooker or something?”

Sanghyuk blanched, choking on a cloud of dullest grey. “He didn’t ask for money! Don’t they normally tell you like... prices before fucking you?!”

“I don’t know, I’ve never fucked a hooker. You tell me.”

“He _wasn’t_ a hooker,” Sanghyuk said, injecting his tone with a note of firmness. “I just wish he had let me make him breakfast.”

“I’ve eaten your cooking, probably for the best that he didn’t.”

The younger shot his best friend a sidelong glare. Hongbin wasn’t taking him seriously. Didn’t realize the earth shattering impact meeting Jaehwan had on Sanghyuk. “Thanks for the sympathy,” he hissed, voice thick with anger and heartbreak.

“Fuck sympathy,” Hongbin replied, not a drop of heat in either word. He didn’t take his eyes off the tv screen. “You whine at me, you get solutions not pity.”

That was true, his best friend was always more pragmatic when facing problems, a welcome perspective when Sanghyuk’s own fanciful brand of mania was taken into account. “What’s your solution then, great senpi?” The sarcasm earned Sanghyuk a smack that came dangerously close to turning into a cigarette burn. 

“I know you wont believe me until you see with your own eyes, so go back to the club. Then you’ll see that there is no upstairs and maybe you’ll find that guy. Leave the house, get some air, it’ll do you good.”

But Sanghyuk couldn’t go outside today. Not yet. Not so soon. Not when the monsters were lurking just on the other side of his front door. Tomorrow.

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

_ ‘Oh fuck baby- harder!’ _

_ Sanghyuk had Jaehwan bent over the black leather couch in the lounge, now mercifully devoid of people, blue light dancing across their skin. He had a hand on the small of his lover's back, the other knotted in Jaehwan's hair. Fucking into him from behind with the taste of intoxicating smoke in his lungs. Jaehwan sobbed, fingers clawing into the couch cushions with a white knuckled grip. Spine arching, skin blotchy with heat, his lover cried out Sanghyuk's name in a voice that sounded like- _

Sanghyuk woke with a gasp, heart beating wildly and hair stuck to his brow. A dream. Just a dream.

Shadows of the dawn were creeping across his bedroom floor from the window pane, daylight banishing the dark of night. It couldn’t be later than seven, seven-thirty at most, and Sanghyuk groaned. He wasn’t ready to face the day yet. Hongbin was working and Sanghyuk had no cigarettes and he’d promised his best friend that he’d brave the outdoors. Sleep was out of his reach now, there was no possibility of him returning to oblivion. 

With a louder, more aggravated sounding groan, Sanghyuk pushed himself up and swung his legs over the edge of his bed. Bare feet padding across the polished boards, he peered out his window at the hellscape beyond. He’d have to go out there. _ God damn it. _

He walked back over to his bed and picked up the little bottle. A wave of contentment washed over him, the stopper clutched in one fist, aromatic perfume. An addict with no concept of the source of his addition, only that it was there. That’s what Sanghyuk was. The little pink flower was good, it helped, but it was a bandaid. A bandaid that would wither and die and leave him with nothing so maybe going to the club was a good idea. Finding Jaehwan was a good idea. Because Jaehwan was the source, somehow. The origin point of Sanghyuk’s newborn chemical imbalance, and it’s not like he didn’t have enough of those already.

Sanghyuk heaved a sigh that seemed to grow from the tips of his toes. Long hours stretched out before and behind, as unbearable as sweating detox. 

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

Three fresh packs of Marlboro 100’s wrapped in cellophane secure in his backpack and a folded note clutched in one hand, Sanghyuk knocked on the pair of double doors at the top of the blue marble staircase. 

It was only four in the afternoon and a confused janitor had let him in, the poor guy’s expression changing to one of downright befuddlement when Sanghyuk had asked how to get upstairs. So the young man had wandered around the club's interior, even more vulgar in the day than it had been in the night, for roughly five minutes before finally locating the stairs. 

“Hello?” he called, glancing down at the red ribbon roping off the entrance as he continued to knock. Maybe the janitor would have a key to unlock it, someone had to clean up here. 

The lock clicked and one door was pulled open from the inside, revealing that tall bartender he’d been introduced too. “Can I help you with something?”

“Hey, you’re Wonshik right? I’m looking for Jaehwan,” Sanghyuk replied, the words leaving him in a rush. Being presented with an intimidating and slightly sparkly man, close enough to count the hairs on his eyebrow, spiked Sanghyuk’s anxiety almost immediately. “Who?”

Sanghyuk blinked. “Jaehwan? He was here two nights ago... he introduced us?”

Wonshik squinted at him like he thought Sanghyuk was telling him a lie. “Who? Also, how did you get up here?”

“Uh- walked? And you know, Jaehwan? Pretty dark hair, maybe mid twenties, someone our size could probably snap him like a twig?”

More silent staring. Sanghyuk was at a loss. “His usual is that psychedelic shit? I think he called you Shik-ah?”

Finally, _ finally, _ understanding dawned in the other man's eyes. “Oh! _ Jaehwan,” _he replied, winking for some unfathomable reason. “Yeah, he’s not here. I don’t know how a mortal like you got up here but I suggest you don’t come back.”

“What? Hey!” Sanghyuk exclaimed, sticking his foot in the door before Wonshik got it all the way shut. “I can smell his cologne, he’s in there isn’t he?”

And Sanghyuk _could_ smell it, that spicy vanilla floral scent wafting out through the crack in the door. That was probably how he was able to speak so coherently, Jaehwan’s perfume fortifying his senses. The bartender gave him a look of flat out impatience. “Listen, just move on. It’s for your own good, he doesn’t mess around with mortals like you for more than a night.” 

Well, at least he wasn’t the only one who noticed how entirely out of his league Jaehwan was, but still. “Just tell him I need to talk to him, okay? Here, that’s my number, please give it to him,” Sanghyuk said, pressing the square of paper with his phone number scrawled on it into Wonshik’s hand. 

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

_ Jaehwan’s mouth was hot against his neck, thick cherry lips pressing into his skin and tongue lapping up Sanghyuk’s sweat. The taller man was tied to a chair, Jaehwan straddling his lap. Grinding smoothly down on Sanghyuk’s crotch _

_ “Mine,” Jaehwan mumbled, impatient hands roaming over Sanghyuk’s body. Those slender fingers knotting in Sanghyuk’s auburn hair, kissing Sanghyuk messy and sweet. Sanghyuk could feel the desperation in his lover's movements, see it in his glassy dark eyes. “You’re mine, baby, all mine.” _

“Fuck,” Sanghyuk hissed, waking from his fifth Jaehwan dream this week. 

There was no respite, no relief from his beautiful nightmare. Sanghyuk's life was now divided in two, sliced inexorably in half. The time _ before _ Jaehwan, and the time _ after. _

He reached out and shakily snatched up his flower bottle, pulling the stopper free and breathing hard. Taking in great lungfuls of the little pink bloom's heady perfume in an attempt to steady his nerves. It barely worked. He’d been rationing the fragrance, only allowing himself two or three smells each day. One when he woke up, one before bed, and one in the middle of the day. But that last one only if his day was really _ really _ shitty. 

Sanghyuk was teetering on the desperate edge of the abyss, he knew that, but he couldn’t stop. Couldn’t go back to the time before Jaehwan. He couldn’t change back into a simple boy with anxiety and paranoia. He was now a boy with anxiety, paranoia, and an addiction as well. The cherry on top. He got the hat trick. 

Cradling the little bottle in both hands and sinking under his covers, Sanghyuk tried not to break down. He held his breath to suppress a sob, teeth gritted against the pain. Something in him lurched, snapping like a timber. Sanghyuk stared up at the wall beside the head of his bed where he had pinned Jaehwan’s note. Like a ward against bad dreams.

His little flower was already starting to die. Brown crinkling the edge of its pink petals. Agony brightened Sanghyuk’s eyes, a single tear escaped him and he squeezed them shut. Desperation opened him up to the bone. The pieces of his heart falling apart like shredding paper.

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

“Which one of my friends deals again?” Sanghyuk shouted, aiming the words at Hongbin from inside his blanket mountain.

“You have friends?” Hongbin asked, not missing a beat. He hadn’t ever bothered to look up from the apple he was slicing.

Sanghyuk huffed. “Which one of _ your _friends deals then?”

“Taek.”

“What’s his number?”

“It’s in your phone.”

Sanghyuk shifted around, making sure the flower bottle was safe in his kangaroo pocket before pulling out his phone. Its screen was cracked in two places, chipped around the edge. He’d meant to put a case on it ages ago but... who had the energy for such things? He scrolled through his contact list until he found the name ‘Taekwoon’ followed by several angry cat emojis. 

“I don’t know why you want to talk to him, but I can tell this is a shitty idea,” Hongbin called over his shoulder, dial tone already ringing and phone to Sanghyuk’s ear. 

_ ‘Hello?’ _ a soft voice asked.

“Hey, uh- I’m Sanghyuk, Hongbin’s friend?”

_ ‘Yeah, you’re saved in my phone. Did you need something?’ _

Sanghyuk swallowed hard. “I was wondering if you have any ambrosia?”

_ ‘Do I have any what?’ _

“Ambrosia, mild psychedelic?”

_ ‘Dude, I deal weed and weed exclusively. I can put you in touch with someone who deals harder shit if you-’ _

Hongbin snatched the phone from Sanghyuk’s hand, neatly dodging the kick the younger aimed at his stomach. “He’ll take a half ounce of your premo shit, delivery. You know his address, thanks so much for your time!” his friend rattled off, hitting the end-call button before Sanghyuk’s mind had even caught up. 

“What the _ fuck _ am I supposed to do with that much weed?! I barely smoke!”

“Why the _ fuck _ did you want psychadelics?!”

Sanghyuk sealed his mouth shut, aiming another kick at his friend's shin and missing. Hongbin watched him, a frown darkening his stare. 

In truth, his cravings had been getting stronger with each passing day. Jaehwan wasn’t just a smell, he was a taste. That mind-bendingly sweet taste of bliss and euphoria. His little flower wasn’t enough. It was certainly helpful, and Sanghyuk didn’t know what he’d do without it, but it was only satisfying half of the addiction that was eating him up from the inside out. 

“Have you ever heard of it? Ambrosia, I mean?”

“The salad or that mythological shit that gods drink?”

Sanghyuk blinked. 

“No, I’ve never heard of a drug called ambrosia,” Hongbin replied with a sigh. “But I don’t think you should be messing with that kind of stuff with all your... you know.” A finger tapping his temple. The younger man got the message. 

“Well, what am I going to do with a half ounce?”

Hongbin spared Sanghyuk a devilish grin. “Share. It’s not like you can’t afford it.”

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

_ ‘Shit- baby your mouth...’ Jaehwan whined, head thrown back and hips bucking uselessly. _

_ Sanghyuk held him still against the bed in the red room, moaning around his length and watching his lover shudder. Jaehwan tugged on the taller man’s hair with frantic hands, whimpering as Sanghyuk dug his blunt nails into his skin. He hollowed his cheeks and tongued at Jaehwan’s slit, delighting in the way his narrow chest heaved. Panting Sanghyuk’s name. _

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

“So do you recognize it?”

Sanghyuk had braved the outdoors again, the first time he’d set foot outside his apartment in just over a week and a half, deciding to try and learn a bit more about his most precious gift. So he’d brought his flower bottle to a local florist to try and have it identified. 

The women had opened it, wasting a few breaths of that mystifying perfume before Sanghyuk snatched it away and pressed the stopper firmly back in place. She’d given him an odd look, prompting the young man to wince, but nothing worse than that.

“Yes, it’s a rather common variety of perennials called Dianthus. Fancifully known as the flower of the gods, you’d probably know it by the name Carnation.”

Sanghyuk blinked, a cold, quiet hiss inside giving voice to his paranoia. “Flower of the _ gods?” _ he clarified, mind beginning to drift. 

“Yes. It’s... it’s strange though. The fragrance is much stronger than a normal carnation. The bloom's normally smell of cloves, but this- it’s almost sensual.”

The woman gave him a thoughtful look as Sanghyuk snatched his flower bottle back, broken fingers of blue current digging into his spine. _ Flower of the gods. _ “Thank you so much for your time, ma’am,” he said, bowing his head and skittering backwards out of the shop. 

~❃~❃~❃~❃~❃~

“Everything’s good, mom. I promise,” Sanghyuk lied, sandwiching his phone between his ear and shoulder. 

_ ‘Alright sweetie, call me again, soon! I love you!’ _

“Love you too,” he replied, letting the phone slide into his lap and blindly slapping the end-call button. 

Guilt raised its head, then, in the dim evening light spilling through his living room. He was lying. Lying to everyone. Lying with every breath he took. Lies within lies within lies within lies and it was exhausting him. He was not good. He was not okay. He was not alright. He couldn’t get Jaehwan out of his head. Couldn’t get that odd scent out of his nostrils, couldn't get the boy out of his dreams. 

After his visit to the florist last week, Sanghyuk had done some long, hard thinking. He’d written out a list. Four of them, actually. 

Ambrosia induced hallucinations:

  * Flowers
  * Lights
  * Colors
  * Jaehwan in a red tunic and ivy wreath
  * Jaehwan with vines tattooed on his skin

Things Jaehwan said:

  * ‘Welcome to Olympus’
  * For Sanghyuk to beg for him
  * <strike>For Sanghyuk to worship him?</strike>
  * That people like him didn’t date
  * ‘Ecstasy is my domain’
  * ‘See you soon’

Things Jaehwan liked:

  * Sex 
  * Drugs
  * Parties 
  * <strike>Sanghyuk?</strike>

Weird things:

  * Hongbin couldn’t see Jaehwan or go upstairs
  * The odd scent of the little flower
  * Drinks appearing from nowhere
  * Wonshik called him a mortal. Twice. 
  * Dianthus
  * Ambrosia
  * Sanghyuk teleporting to his house
  * Sanghyuk going <strike>insane</strike>

With nothing else to do and absurd suspicions swirling around inside his head, Sanghyuk had forced himself into a cab to the library. It had taken him nearly an hour and a half to actually cross the threshold, but that was always the hardest part. Being outside wasn’t as terrifying as the process of getting there. 

Once at the library, he’d grabbed every book on greek mythology he could find and read until closing time, checking out the maximum number of ten that he hadn't finished yet and brought them home. Which is where he was now. Sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, a blanket around his shoulders, chain smoking as he read and reread the books laid out in a half circle before him. And taking notes. Easier to sort through his thoughts if he wrote them down. 

  * Sense of smell is directly linked to the limbic system, the most primitive part of the brain associated with emotions and memories.
  * Ambrosia is the food or drink of the Greek gods, often depicted as conferring longevity or immortality upon whoever consumed it. 
  * From the Greek words dios, meaning “god” and anthos, meaning “flower”, the Greek botanist, Theophrastus, cited the perfect mix in the name, dianthus. Common names, carnations, Sweet William, and pinks.

He set down that sheet of scrawl and turned to the encyclopedia sitting front and center, another piece of notebook paper set next to the page titled ‘Dionysus- Greek Mythology’. 

  * A nature god of fruitfulness and vegetation, especially known as a god of wine and ecstasy.
  * Son of Zeus and Semele, likes humans.
  * Represented the sap, juice, or lifeblood element in nature, lavish festal orgia (ritual sex) in his honour were widely instituted. 
  * Had a cult of people (mostly women) he could ‘inspire’ to madness, lust, and violence.
  * Power to inspire and to create ecstasy, and his cult had special importance for art and literature.
  * Personal attributes were an ivy wreath and goblet.
  * Portrayed as a youthful and slightly effeminate man.

He put those two sheets side by side, drawing lines from one to the other with a blue gel pen. This was absurd. Genuinley fucking absurd. He couldn’t even bring himself to say his theory out loud. He hadn’t hookup with a god because they didn’t exist. Myths were just stories meant to entertain and instruct! They weren't biographies of actual people who had lived and breathed and then just never died. But the similarities were there. So _obvious_ that even an idiot would be able to see them. 

Sanghyuk was reaching. Grasping at straws. Jaehwan wasn’t a god, he was just a pretty boy with an appetite for fun. This madness was nothing more than young and stupid love that had infected him like a virus. And yet... he had been reborn that night. With the taste of ambrosia in his mouth and the fragrance of dianthus in his lungs, Jaehwan had changed him. Turned him into something he was not. Those black eyes that haunted his dreams every single night, the demon who knew all his secrets. 

In the cold hollows of the dark, some tiny part of himself still remained, but it was a _tiny_ part indeed. Nothing more that the space between stars-

_Banging_ on his door, the simultaneous sound of the locks turning. Sanghyuk jumped, shrinking back against the wall as he dug his switchblade from the deep pocket of his sweatpants. Someone was here. The _monsters_ were here. They were right outside. They had a key-

“Sanghyuk!” 

Hongbin whirled into the room, tension splashing around him like an angry red sea. Sanghyuk was frozen. Sheer, undiluted terror turning the blood in his veins to ice. Heart hammering so hard the younger man was sure it would combust, paint the inside of his ribcage amniotic scarlet-

His friend’s gaze settled on him, brown eyes going almost comically wide at the sight of Sanghyuk. Curled on the floor with a knife in his hand, cigarette smouldering ominously in a cereal bowl full of ash, in the center of his nest of paper. Hongbin raised his arms, palms up, clearly realizing the mistake he’d made. Realizing that he’d turned the inside of Sanghyuk’s head into an abattoir. 

“Hey- hey I’m sorry, you’re fine. Everything’s fine, it’s just me,” his friend said, using a tone of voice akin to the way people speak to startled animals. As if that was supposed to help. “You haven't been calling me back or answering my texts, and you weren't here last time I came over. I was worried, I just wanted to check on you.”

Sanghyuk was shaking violently. The fear was screaming inside him, a living, _breathing_ thing, clawing at his internal organs with relentless, sharp talons. 

Hongbin walked toward him slowly, coming to crouch at the outermost circle of the books ringing the younger. “What is all this?” he asked, picking up a book open to a painting of Dionysus. Young, sensual, a crown of ivy ringing his dark wavy head, shiny black eyes seeming to watch the viewer move. It was an obvious attempt to distract Sanghyuk and a pitiful one at that. 

“That’s the boy I slept with,” the younger gasped, barely daring to blink. “How could you _do_ that how could you- just come in here like- I gave you a key because I trust you and you just-” 

Sanghyuk swallowed hard, choking on a sob. Hongbin’s eyes had turned wary now. “I’m sorry, I really am, but did you say _ this _was the guy you slept with?”

“Yes,” the younger spat, taking shaky breaths to try and stop his brain screaming.

“Hyuk-ah, this... this is a painting.”

“Yes.”

A pause.

“You don’t honestly believe-”

“That’s him, Bin, it’s him. That’s Jaehwan.”

Another pause.

“This is a painting of Dionysus.”

“Yes.”

Sanghyuk managed to uncurl his fingers, folding the blade back up into the handle of his knife and setting it gingerly on the floor beside him. He snatched up his flower bottle and hugged it against his chest like a child with a security blanket. 

Hongbin stared at the painting, around at the books, gaze flitting over the pages of handwritten notes. After a full minute of silence... “I think it’s time that we get you some help, Hyuk-ah.”

The words like arrows in the throat. Sanghyuk flinched violently. “No! I’m fine, you have to believe me! That’s him, that’s Jaehwan! It all matches, look!” The younger pushed one of the sheets covered in blue gel ink in his friend's direction. 

“Sanghyuk! You think you hooked up with a greek god! What about that is fine?! Normally you- normally all this is managable but you’re sounding fucking certifiable and I’m scared for you!”

“I’m not, I know it doesn’t make sense to you but I know what happened to me! I know what I did- what I saw, and that's him!”

“You just pulled a fucking knife on me and you’re isolating yourself again!”

Sanghyuk’s mind was spinning out of control and he shrank away, popping the cork from his flower bottle with a thumb and trying to breathe in the comforting perfume. Trying to find some solace in the face of the hurricane of emotion that was his best-

“And that! You carry that stupid thing around like a life preserver and it’s not normal! Give it to me!”

“Back the fuck up,” Sanghyuk hissed, inching away as his friend moved closer. 

Hongbin didn’t listen, slapping away the kick the younger aimed at him and, moving with those lightning fast reflexes he earned from sports Sanghyuk had never cared about, he snatched the flower bottle from Sanghyuk’s hand. 

He was on his feet and backing away, holding Sanghyuk’s precious gift in one hand. “Give it back,” the younger snarled, his fear abruptly replaced by anger. The cold metallic taste of rage on his tongue. Flaring white hot behind his eyes. 

“No. You need help, _professional_ help, but jesus christ, Hyuk-ah! You think you’re addicted to a damn carnation!”

Sanghyuk stood slower, gaze fixed on his flower bottle. Hands clenched into fists. 

“Give it back.”

“No.”

Breath quickening as if he was sprinting, Sanghyuk moved. Papers fluttered around them like snowflakes as Hongbin turned toward the door, turned to run away with his flower and Sanghyuk lunged after him. He grabbed the back of his best friend’s collar, scruffing him like he was no more than a puppy and, engaging the physical strength he always tried to tamp down, Sanghyuk dragged Hongbin backward and threw him into the wall like a ragdoll. 

The living room was deathly quiet, only heavy breathing and the tinkling of glass. 

The flower had slipped from Hongbin’s hand. The glass bottle containing it had shattered and Sanghyuk _gasped._ Attempting to draw a breath and failing. 

Just as the bottle had broken, Sanghyuk broke down in tears, hot and salty slicing down his cheeks as he fell to his knees. He began sweeping up the shards of glass, barely noticing that the edges were cutting up his bare hands. 

His flower, already delicate, had broken apart on impact, withered petals falling from the stem, a pathetic little pile of pink. Sanghyuk sobbed hard, clutching the dried stem in his fist and folding up with his forehead on the floor. The meager supply of hope he’d started building up draining out of him in a heartbeat. 

“Hyuk-ah, I’m sorry-”

“Shut up,” the younger whispered, burying his nose in the shriveled petals. 

He could still smell the odd scent, faint, barely there. But instead of growing fainter, it was growing stronger. Stronger and stronger and stronger, filling his empty lungs like a mercy and Sanghyuk lifted his head. Dragging sodden hair from his tear stained face, barely hearing his best friend’s hiss of surprise.

The blue marble staircase was there, or the _ foot _ of the blue marble staircase, at least. It was planted on his living room floor as if the damn thing had been built that way. A permanent fixture of the apartment that the occupant had just never noticed. And standing on the first rise, ivy ringing his dark haired head, a robe of deepest ruby hanging off his shoulders, silver goblet held loosely in a long fingered hand, was Jaehwan. 

“It’s you...”

“It’s me!”

Sanghyuk- his lover was radiant, grinning cheerfully at the young man and setting his goblet down on one of the higher rises. Jaehwan stepped lightly off the staircase, golden sandals on his feet that made no sound as he crossed the hardwood floor. 

“You- you’re Dionysus aren’t you?! You’re a god! Aren’t you?!” Sanghyuk asked, panicked, frantic.

Jaehwan graced him with that lady-killer smile of purest sunshine. He stretched out a hand to help Sanghyuk to his feet.

“Took you long enough! And on that about that, it’d be a bit hard for me to come home with you, baby, because I have duties in Olympus. But why don’t you come home with me instead? Would you like that?”

Blinded by tears of relief, Sanghyuk swept his lover up in the tightest of embraces, watching through bleary eyes as the cuts on his hands disappeared like they’d never been there. “You- you...” Hongbin was murmuring from behind them, but Sanghyuk couldn’t look. His tongue tingling with the taste of magic and throat full of that odd scent. Vanilla and sandalwood, rose and jasmine, and something he hadn’t had a name for before. Dianthus. The flower of the gods. 

“Yes,” Sanghyuk breathed, pressing a kiss to his divine lover's brow.

A tinkling laugh poured from between Jaehwan’s crimson lips and he took Sanghyuk’s hand, lacing their fingers together and leading him toward the staircase. 

Sanghyuk didn’t hesitate for an instant. He’d leave it all, his friends, his home, his anxiety, paranoia, fear. All of it was falling from him like leaves from the branches of an autumn tree. None of it mattered. Nothing mattered but the overwhelming sense of safety and contentment he felt in the glow of Jaehwan’s presence. 

He stepped onto the bottom stair and clutched his lover's hand, allowing himself to be led up and up and up. 

“Trust me, baby, you’re going to love it. I throw spectacular parties.”

Sanghyuk grinned, following his lover, his Jaehwan, Dionysus, through the ceiling and up into blinding white light, senses entirely enveloped by that _ odd _ scent. 

**Author's Note:**

> *Projecting my mental illness on Sanghyuk because I have no self control*
> 
> COMMENTS AND KUDOS ARE LOVED <3
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/nestras_rvng)  
[Tumblr](https://clytemnestrasrevenge95.tumblr.com%E2%80%9Drel=)  
[Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/nestras_rvng)


End file.
